Memoirs of a Gamer: One, re-roll, one

Dice. Are. Bastards. You may think they are simple random number generators. You would be wrong. They are sentient beings whose sole purpose is to cause as much mischief and agony as possible. And they are good at it too. They will bide their time, waiting patiently before really ruining your day with a devastating snake eyes. Almost certain victories have been stolen away by the little plastic cubes of despair. They hate me, they hate you, but most of all they hate winners, they hate them so much.

It may look harmless, but it's a bastard!
Those pips are watching you!

The humble dice seem like the perfect things to throw a little random chance into board games. It adds the element of luck, so prevalent in the real world, which stops games being a linear trawl of cause and effect. They can derail even the most seasoned strategists with a simple roll of one solitary dice. Some, however, have worse luck than others.

Many board gamers can remember a time the dice were determined to ruin their day, when they seemed to have an extensive run of bad luck. But nothing can compare even slightly to the run of bad luck that plagues a gaming friend of mine. His entire life has been dominated by the inopportune roll of ones at the worst possible moment. His luck is so bad that he sometimes manages to lose games in which it would be much easier and statistically significantly more likely to win.

There is one moment that stands out above the others though. We have played Bloodbowl many times together. Bloodbowl is a fantasy game of similar to American football, only more violent. It was created by Games Workshop and actually demonstrates some semblance of balance and fun. It is definitely worth a look if you have never played it, especially if you can get enough people playing to start a league.

My friend is a good player, with a good eye for tactics. I am, however, slightly better, especially when I’m using my beloved Chaos team. The particular game I remember was fairly standard; he was playing with his Norse team against my Chaos, who at this point he had never beaten in a number of attempts. I had scored one touchdown in the first half but had left enough time for my friend to equalise in the final turn. In the second half I set up a rock solid defence with the intention to settle for a draw. All I needed was to get the ball back and protect it, stopping him being able to score. My players were set up so that every move he made was a risk and required a dice roll which always made him nervous, understandably.

On this occasion though he managed to force a mistake from me, breaking a hole in my lines and running a player through ready to receive a pass from his thrower. It came down to the last turn of the game and I had done my best to block his intended pass but it didn’t work. His thrower sent a lofted pass to his lineman deep inside my half who made an easy catch under no pressure. All he had to do was reach the end zone, of which he is just in range.

There are tokens, and cards, and special dice, and a
throwing ruler... and... and! Its glorious!

Each player has a movement value in Bloodbowl. A movement of six will allow a player to move six squares. However, once per turn a player can ‘go for it’, this means they can try and move two extra squares each requiring a roll of the dice. On a roll of one they stumble and fall to the ground, ending the turn and dropping the ball if they hold it. My friend’s player was eight squares away from the end zone but had a movement value of six. He would have to go for it… twice.

With obvious trepidation he picks up the dice and rolls it; then exhales loudly when it lands on a five. Only one more move to go to win the game for the very first time. He picks the dice up for a second time his eyes squeezed shut as he rolls a… one. But it is okay, he has saved a re-roll for this very occasion, he could never roll another one could he? Of course he could. He would never admit it, but I knew he was crying inside. The game ended a draw.

My advice? Show the dice who’s in charge. If they are not showing you the correct respect, smash one with a hammer, then the little bastards will know not to mess with your gaming. Just don’t tell my friend that, without the dice on my side, I could never beat him.