Captain's Log: I am definately not Jim Kirk

Captain’s Log 22.04.2113

They have given me another ship. Luckily no-one investigated the disaster that befell my last crew. I did not mean to leave the airlock doors open, it is an easy mistake to make. Unfortunately they were all dead by the time I noticed. Anyway, I have a new ship Nutritious - I know, I am original - and a new crew. Alex, Swamps and Kara, this time I will remember to close the doors.

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Captain’s log supplemental

We are stranded with the rebel fleet closing in fast. The crew blame me, but it wasn’t my fault. So yes I accidentally spilt some sprite on the Navigational computer and yes there is some donor meat that has slipped into the FTL controls but I’m sure that is unrelated to the malfunction that caused us to jump so many light years away from home. Kara is especially pissed. But I think that’s because she likes me.

This looks bad because it is!

When we arrived we bumped into a stricken ship. They were carrying a message to the federation fleet. The ship was badly damaged and the captain transmitted the message to us before the ship suddenly exploded. Okay, so the ship only blew up after we had collided with it somewhat, but I am definitely getting used to the handling of this thing.

The crew and I decided this message was top priority, so we headed to the fleet immediately. This was one assignment I wasn’t going to fail, probably.

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Captain’s log supplemental, supplemental.

Well shit! I’m guessing this message is pretty important. We jump to a new system and are immediately attacked by a rebel scout. We polished him off pretty quickly, turns out Kara knows how to handle a weapon. I send her to the Shield room instead, I found it a little intimidating!

With confidence brimming we made another jump and found a Rebel transport ship. With my extra deep voice I demanded their surrender; they refused and proceeded to kick the living fuck out of us. They took out the shields first; fires broke out across the entire ship. It was horrible! Well for the crew it was. I was in the Captain’s quarters; I am too valuable to BBQ myself.