Memoirs of a Gamer: Genuine Shock

Every once in a while you have a moment when gaming that stays with you for a very long time. These moments are incredibly special. For me there have been only a few occasions when I was truly affected by a game. The final mission of Freespace II, "that moment" from Knights of the Old Republic and every single second of Beyond Good and Evil. However there was one gaming moment that stands out, even years later. Unusually though, it was in a game I barely played.

I'm sure I've been there on holiday once.

I own all three Stalker games, which I have collective played for about six hours. It's a series of games of which I love the concept but for some reason, which I can't explain, I just didn't play them that much. I still haven't. When I booted up Call of Pripyat for the first time, easily the best of the series, I spent a few hours completing the early missions, exploring and trying not to be killed by some weird gravitational anomaly which was intent on making my head and my arse one gelatinous mush.

It was at that point that I experienced the first emission of the game. I raced to find some metallic cover, slightly panicked by the threat of sudden death but secretly tempted to stand in the open and absorb the full force of the blast, just to see what happened. We've all done it, when the dictatorial pacing device tells you to 'turn left down this corridor,' or 'follow this tit who gets stuck on all the scenery,' the first thing you do is turn right or shoot the bloke in the back of the head. Just to see what happens. Usually nothing.

Resisting that urge I rushed to a large rusted ship in the middle of a swamp; I still don't really understand how it got there, and waited as the emission built to it's climax.

Then it happened, one of those amazing moments of gaming, unscripted, unexpected and entirely shocking. My mini-map bleeped, indicating someone was nearby. Two yellow dots appeared and they were heading in my direction. I could not take my eyes from the little circular map in the corner of the screen. Outside the emission was building, ready to sweep away all life not in cover. The yellow blobs crept closer, achingly slowly, I felt a light empty feeling in my chest, real anxiety. I was willing them on, out loud, calling for them to hurry. A few yards to go, a few more steps, they were going to make it.

The world began to tremble, a great white flash bleed the colour from the sky.

Once the emission had passed the two yellow dots had disappeared. Two grey blips stood in their place. The colour reserved for bodies.

For a moment I was genuinely shocked, I had wanted them to survive, I had willed them to make it, and seeing lives extinguished so quickly was honestly distressing. I stayed in the ship for a few minutes not wanting to leave my safe haven. Eventually though I crept from the twisted metal and visited the two bodies that lay mere metres from safety. There was nothing to indicate their desperate race for their lives, they lay peacefully in the mud and sputtering rain.

I wanted to make a mark somehow, leave a token, a recognition of what I had witnessed, but I couldn't, so I looted their bodies instead. They had some cool stuff.